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Stock Dictionary
- Bull Market
- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for
a financial genius.
- Bear Market
- A 6 to 18-month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife
gets no jewelry and the husband gets none.
- Momentum Investing
- The fine art of buying high and selling low.
- Value Investing
- The art of buying low and selling lower.
- P/E ratio
- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market
keeps crashing.
- Broker
- Poorer than you were last year.
- "Buy, Buy"
- A flight attendant making market recommendations as you step off the
plane.
- Stock Analyst
- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.
- Stock split
- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split all your assets equally
between themselves.
- Financial Planner
- A guy who actually remembers his wallet when he runs to the
7-11 for toilet paper and cigarettes.
- Market Correction
- The day after you buy stocks.
- Cash Flow
- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the Toilet.
- Call Option
- Something people used to do with a telephone in ancient times
before e-mail.
- Day Trader
- Someone who is disloyal from 9-5.
- Cisco
- Sidekick of Pancho.
- Yahoo
- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per
share.
- Windows 2000
- What you jump out of when you're the sucker that bought Yahoo
for $240 per share.
- Institutional Investor
- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nut house.
- Profit
- Religious guy who talks to God.
- Bill Gates
- Where God goes for a loan.
- Alan Greenspan
- God.