OK, an update. Some recent events have shown me that I have a LONG way to go when it comes to being aware of my feelings and making others aware of them as well. I am not nearly so good at making it known to those whom I care about that I do care about them, in what way, and how much. I am working on it though, and I think I am making progress, but ..... Time will tell.
My life pretty much revolves around my friends. They are extremely important to me. I have many many friends (or at least I like to think I do) and they are each special to me. Some I have known a long time (The Kotel crowd I have known since 1993), and some I have known only a short while. Like the song says, "Make new friends but keep the old, one is silver the other gold." There are many stories that my friends and I have created through years of doing things to the left of ordinary, in a fashion that tends to appeal to us.
(3/21/03)
Ok, an update on my feelings......
I am in love. If you have (and I have no idea why you owuld be) been following this page you will note that when i last wrote here, I was single and not talking to that woman who I had dated and gone on dates with and watched move away, and talked to, and etc......
I am now dating her and in love with her. We have been dating since late november. She is living out of town, a two hour train ride away. I have been commuting down to see her on any weekend that she does not drive up to see me. I am not a big fan of long distance relationships but as they go this one ain't too bad. I see her about once a week and soemtimes more, and we talk every night.
So back to my feelings. I love her. I am in love with her. She loves me. Its not a perfect relationship, but then i don't think there are any perfect relationships. For the time being, things are good. I still have plenty to wok on when it comes to my ability to express my feelings but now I at least know I am making progress.
(10/26/01)
My life has gone through some drastic changes since I started this web site. I found someone I liked and started dating her, that lasted 5 months and then we broke it off. I think I was the one to call it quits, but memory gets muddled easly on such things and I would rather not make an erroneous claim to that ignoble honor, necesary though it was.
Then after 6 months of not dating (three of which we did not speak at all), I asked her (same woman) out again. My best friend thought I was out of my mind. I very well may have been. We went on a few dates, across about a month and a half. Then, the week before she went on vacation she told me it was over (ouch). That is to say, she said she cared about me a great deal, but with her traveling and then moving (not that far away) she could not date me, but wanted to be able to see/talk to/hang out with me, as apposed to the last time we broke up which resulted in a long period of no contact.
For the two months after she dumped me, I saw her more oftent han I did when we were dating (or going on dates or whatever you wish to call it) the second time around. This was thouroughly confusing, but I think I survived it pretty well.
Then she finally moved (more or less permanently) out of the city. For those two months she was in NY as often as she was out of it. Now I don't see her but she still calls me.
Now its time to move on, so life continues.
What has this to do with my feelings? EVERYTHING! I have learned that while before I was pretty certain that I don't share my feelings properly, now I know to what extent that is, and what it means. I have work to do on that, but now I have more reason to do it. Its kind of funny, I was doing fine by myself before asking her out a second time, and now I am feeling a bit hurt at being rejected (normal, but knowing it and feeling it are diffarent) and discovering that practice does not make it any easier (was dumped once before and it took me a LONG time to get over that girl). Writing this I might have just come to a conclusive answer as to why I never let myself (it was almost a concius act) fall in love with this most recent woman, but I will have to think on it (do I think too much?).
(09/04/01)
As it just so happens a number of my friends have recently gotten married and I wanted to take a moment to wish them all a mazal tov. So, in the order in which they got married, MAZAL TOV to:
Howie and Mor Shapiro
*Ari and Miriam Loren
*Alter and Naomi Reiss
*Shimon and Elissa Oppenheim
*Yitz and Sam Steinberg
Shevy and Josh Ravner (added 10/26/01)
*They all got married in the last three weeks. Unfortionately I was able to go to only the local weddings. This does not mean that I care any less for those out in Ohio, it just means I am too broke to afford to go there.
I am very very very happy for all of you and I wish you many happy years together (and as few unhappy moments as possable). Mazal Tov and I can't wait to tell embarrasing stories about you to your kids.
One las note, Mazal Tov to Jenny and Dani Rosner who have just passed their one year anniversary.
Here are a few of their (my friend's) web sites:
This list will grow (and shrink, when sites go down) as reality dictates.