I’m not certain which I dislike more the silence outside or the TV inside. I went in to work today and walking in the street in midtown……. very few people came into the city for work today. Its nearly silent, even the people who did come in are all talking in hushed voices. People are looking for something good to grab onto. A fellow had his young son (maybe a year old) with him on the train, everybody was waving and smiling at the kid, almost desperately looking to this child for a smile, for something happy.
I got up late yesterday and went into the bathroom with the weirdest thought. I was thinking, being late for work as I was, that it would be good that I did not go into work as my life was in danger there, that something big had happened to make it bad for me to be at work. I decided that I was just being crazy finding stupid reasons to rationalize my hitting the snooze button so many times. I do not work at the World Trade Center, I work on 37th street, half a city away. I just wanted to state that now. There was no miracle in my survival but it was odd that I should have thought about it before knowing anything.
When I got out of the bathroom my friend Debbie (I had slept at her place (in a perfectly chaste manner) as I was helping her pack the night before, she is moving soon) had turned on AOL, and the headline on it was bizarre to us both. It said that the twin towers had been attacked by terrorists, but we were both sure it had to be a mistake, that happened in ’93, it must be a messed up page or somebody got the archives mixed with the real pages or it was a bad hoax or something.
We turned on the TV. It was…….. surreal, and very frightening. We sat silently and watched. I am very grateful for her presence as having someone there steadied me greatly. Then the first tower fell and I was stunned. It did not seem real, and I have seen the video many times since and it still does not seem real. It looks like a movie set, after all that’s the Twin Towers, they are immutable, stable, unchanging, solid. They ARE the NY skyline. It just seemed it had to be some special effect.
The enormity of the tower falling came home to me when the second tower fell. A new symbol of terrorism has been created. A symbol that simply shows an empty skyline. Debbie and I were both dumbstruck. We sat there in front of her TV holding each other and staring.
I called into work and they said not to come in, which was good as I was useless for work. Debbie and I started to pull ourselves together and figure out where loved ones were. We called her mom and my sister tracking down other family members who worked in the city and might be stranded as there was no movement in or out of the city.
I decided to go home and wait in my apt in case my older sister and her husband needed a place to stay. Besides that my cell phone was not working and I wanted to be at a phone number that people knew so that I could tell everyone I was ok and find out if they were. Debbie was shaken but said she was going to stay at her place in case her family needed to go there.
I walked form the east side at 67th to the west side at 103rd. As I went, I looked around me. I walked slowly and listened to the people around me, I looked south at the smoke, at the bridges full of people walking home to Brooklyn and Queens. Everyone was in shock, no one was pulled together. People who would normally be surly or caught up in their own business were quiet and solicitous of others. It was odd. Peoples reactions were unsettling to watch. I saw several people sitting on park benches just crying. Everyone had radios or were gathered around cars. I remembered my Mom’s description of people on the day JFK was shot and this looked a lot like it. In the park I found some things that disturbed me. There are vendors in the park, people who sell ice cream and drinks out of carts. They are there every day and are good people. Many of them are Arabic in decent and you can see it in the way they look, their faces, their hair, and some of them wear turbans. People were giving them WIDE berths walking way around them as if they were dangerous. It pained me because these are honest hard working people who have done nothing wrong. I made a point of buying an ice cream bar from one fellow after watching several people walk out of their way to get around him.
I was not spared from this paranoia either. I was carrying a large bag and one person grabbed his friend and dragged him away. The friend had been walking about three or four feet from me, and the fellow who dragged him said "don’t get too close, you have no idea what is in that bag." I was horrified.
By the time I got home Debbie had decided she did not want to be alone all day and had walked over. She did not walk slowly and so beat me home. At home I started to get in touch with friends and family. I got online and nearly lost it. One of my very closest friends, Shaun, was stuck at work. He works for the Fed down in the area of the WTC. He was three or four blocks away and watched everything from his office window. When the streets started to fill with smoke they would not let him out of the building.
I have decided to put in here the emails I received yesterday and those I sent out as well:
Date: Tue, 11 Sep 2001 09:48:43 -0400 (EDT)
From: Doni <address removed>
To: <names removed>
Subject: is everyone ok?
most of you are or could be in the city. just want to make sure you guys
are ok. do not respond to all as some may be upset...
--doni
Date: Tue, 11 Sep 2001 09:51:38 -0400
From: Michael <address removed>
Jen and I are ok....
my parents/family are ok too!
Date: Tue, 11 Sep 2001 09:57:17 -0400 (EDT)
From: Shaun <address removed>
To: <names removed>
Subject: Re: is everyone ok?
I'm ok, but I can see the gaping holes in both towers from here.
This is really scary... the implications...
-Shaun
Date: Tue, 11 Sep 2001 10:08:48 -0400 (EDT)
From: Shaun <address removed>
To: <names removed>
Subject: Re: is everyone ok?
the south tower just collapsed./..
there is no air out there to breath I'm stuck in my building...
if anything should hjappen... I love you all
my parents #
<number removed>
I jhst spoke to my mom... but if anything should happen...
Date: Tue, 11 Sep 2001 10:19:13 -0400 (EDT)
From: Shaun <address removed>
To: <names removed>
Subject: Re: is everyone ok?
sorry for the mellowdrama... I'm ok
just very scared
Date: Tue, 11 Sep 2001 11:42:09 -0400 (EDT)
From: Shaun <address removed>
To: <names removed>
Subject: Re: is everyone ok?
gas leak in the area... pray
thank you
Date: Tue, 11 Sep 2001 12:40:04 -0400 (EDT)
From: Knowmad <knowmad@yucs.org>
To: <names removed>
Subject: WE ARE OK
Just sending out a quick email to tell you all that shaun, myself, and
sabrina are ok. Jack just so you know, last I checked david's sister
tamara was also ok, she was outside the building when the plane hit.
josh
Date: Tue, 11 Sep 2001 12:42:08 -0400 (EDT)
From: Knowmad <knowmad@yucs.org>
To: <names removed>
Subject: Re: is everyone ok?
sabrina, myself and shaun are ok.
josh
Date: Tue, 11 Sep 2001 12:43:47 -0400
From: Michael <address removed>
To: knowmad@yucs.org
Subject: Re: your mail
damnit man, i was really worried about you...
I'm glad you're ok
Date: Tue, 11 Sep 2001 12:44:47 -0400 (EDT)
From: Knowmad <knowmad@yucs.org>
To: Shaun <address removed>
Subject: please walk home now
if you can please walk home now.
I'm at my place and my sister (beth) and Jon will be walking here. cell
phones don't work so well. call me at my place if your still at your
office please.
josh
Date: Tue, 11 Sep 2001 12:49:30 EDT
From: ariloren@aol.com
To: knowmad@yucs.org
Subject: Re: is everyone ok?
So are Miriam and I
Date: Tue, 11 Sep 2001 15:20:27
From: Sabrina <address removed>
To: <names removed>
Subject: FOR TODAY
Being in Columbus Circle, we are going home.
I am walking home and will be there in around an hour.
I won'thave email, so if anyone needs me, just call me at home.
I hope you all stay safe and well.
love you all.
-Sabrina
When I read what Shaun wrote I was in tears and fearful for him. I have known him for 8 years and he has been as close to me as a brother can be. Thank God he was ok, scared and shaken but ok.
As the day wore on more stories of friends who had close calls were related to me. So far I am very very lucky in that no one I know is missing. I am still very sad and distraught over the loss of life and if their were anything I could say or do for those who are missing I would. I have decided the best thing I can do is stay out of the way and wait for some announcement of things I can do to help. I am not allowed to give blood or I would have done so by now. Oddly enough I got a call Monday evening from the New York Blood services asking me to give.
I have one friend who worked on the 99th floor. She was outside when the first plane hit, thank God she was not in the building. One fellow who ended up at my apartment last night was walking from the train towards his office (next door to the WTC) when the first plane hit, he made it as far as building 7 when the second plane hit and he decided it was time to go home. It took him almost the whole day to get out of the area. Another friend was literally at the base of tower 2 when it got hit, and he took it upon himself to keep people from exiting the train station there while debris was falling, then he walked home to Brooklyn. My brother in-law and several good friends all work in that area. Those who work in the financial center were evacuated between the time the first plane hit and the time the second one hit. One of my friends in Boston was going to LA yesterday morning. His plane took off three minutes before flight 11, the first one to hit the towers. One friend had a 9:30am interview inside the WTC, but overslept and never made it into the city. Like I said earlier, I am very lucky in that, so far, no one I know is missing. Thank God for that.
Debbie and I watched the news as long as we could but after the towers fell there was no new news for them to report, so we muted it and kept busy by washing dishes and calling friends. When I was certain that my family and closest friends were ok, I decided I needed to do something outside the house. I called a few close friends and said "we are having dinner at my apt tonight, so we can all look each other in the face and know we are alive." Debbie and I went shopping, came back and started cooking. Shaun finally made it up from downtown, walking most of the way, bringing a stranded person with him. A few more people contacted me and made certain we were all ok. Around 7 we finally sat down to eat, and talk.
We discussed the day. We retold all the close call stories we had. We discussed the idea that no one can claim responsibility for this and expect to live, so no one will likely put in a credible claim for it. We talked about the fact that in Israel any plane that is hijacked and enters Israeli air space is shot down immediately out of fear that something like this might happen. We discussed the fact that American security on internal flights has been very lax. We talked about the fact that the hijackers did not use guns, they took the planes over using box cutters. We talked everything over again and again. We finally broke up dinner about 10pm. Exhausted, I went to sleep, and somehow for some bizarre reason I got up and went to work this morning.
Walking around on the streets today, you overhear everyone spouting their favorite theory on how and who and why. No one knows but everyone has an opinion. Personally I do not think we will ever know with certainty who did this. I don’t have anything else to say now, except that once again thank God none of my friends or family were hurt, and I pray fervently for miracles that will save as many more people as can possibly be saved from the rubble.
Something else I noticed today, people are actually answering the question "How are you?" with a real answer rather than the knee-jerk answer of "fine" and that makes me feel good. Also, three of the email lists I am on, two of them witch usually send annoying spam-like advertisements, have sent out today requests for donations to the American Red Cross. Unfortunately the Red Cross’s web site is down, either with too much traffic or with the problems that much of the east coast is having.
I guess I will add more here as I find things to say. If any of my friends, or anyone really, has something to say, send it to me and I will post it here.